


Fated Chatfic (A self-indulgent meme by the author)

by Tanadin



Category: Monstrous - Tanadin Dramon
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Brief alcohol and drug mentions, It's essentially just me memeing about my favorite idiots, Multi, Rated for swearing and the occasional sex joke, chatfic, semi-modern au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-12-19 22:57:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 6,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11907948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tanadin/pseuds/Tanadin
Summary: I just couldn't resist being the first person to upload fanfic of my goddamn books to the internet.Just a silly little chatfic I wrote while editing Residual and Fated and have sporadically worked on ever since. It's not meant to be taken seriously or as canon, so just enjoy it for what it is.





	1. A State of Emergency

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: "btc" stands for "by the creators", similar to "omg" for us. It's just a slight difference due to the universe and "oh my god" isn't something that anyone says at any point.

**[SKERA DAVION created board DESCENDANT EMERGENCY COMMUNICATION CHANNEL]**

**[SKERA DAVION added VALAERNIA DAVION, ADRIAN DAVION, SHRED THE FRONTIER, NIEL SWIFT, BALTBEE ZALTAR, TARSEN HARVEX, SAMUEL VORREN, TRANPAR BLAKKAR, NESSY RAY, CARL MAVRAI, VORNA STAR, ALDOBIVA REN, VALKAN SHARREN, TRYMDAS SHARRAN, ZEL HYLKRAI, KATRIN DRAY, MARCUS THEK, ONAI DARALOH, AXID VERAN, TIM KARREL, XULLOS KROVRON, VELLOH NIAN, ZEKARA AKLENA, CLAIRE AKLENA, NAK MOKKOH, MITVEN SSKETAL, VIAN TOROS, ALTREN MYRIS, MARTIN GALE, and ARRA SHATTERBONE to DESCENDANT EMERGENCY COMMUNICATION CHANNEL]**

**[SKERA DAVION made VALAERNIA DAVION, SAMUEL VORREN, and ZEL HYLKRAI administrators]**

SKERA: Okay, everyone. I’ve set up an _emergency only_ text channel. You can also use it for important communications long-distance although private messages may be better suited for it.

SAMUEL: Understood.

TRANPAR: oooo sweet we have a chatroom???

XULLOS: !!!!!!!

NIEL: !!

MARTIN: The potential is endless!

ADRIAN: wait niel hang on

VALAERNIA: Oh, this is cool.

VALAERNIA:  hold up

ADRIAN: is...is your name really spelled like that??

**[VALAERNIA DAVION is now NIA DAVION]**

NIA: That’s better.

NIEL: umm….yes? (hi it’s velloh!! <3 i’m typing for him!)

ADRIAN: why are you typing for him?

MARCUS: heeeeerrre we go.

NIEL: (um well he can’t exactly read/write nevermind spell? which I guess is why he’s nIEl and not nEIl? he named himself)

ADRIAN: you can’t read?? and that’s really how its spelled??? btc ive been spelling it wrong _forever_

VELLOH: oh no i think i embarrassed him ;; im so sorry

SAMUEL: What part of ‘emergency only’ was ambiguous?

XULLOS: The way Niel’s name is spelled _is_ an emergency.

TRANPAR: yeah _dad_ we’re discussing something really important!

SAMUEL: I’m not anyone’s father.

TIM: im hungry

SAMUEL: I’m on it.

TARSEN: I’M ON IT

NIA: dad! fight! dad! fight!

MARCUS: Now _this_ I will pay to see.

VALKAN: by the creators what the _hell_ is this

TARSEN: woah hold up who invited valkass???

ZEL: He’s a member of the team. We’re all on the channel.

TARSEN: btc wtf get him out

TARSEN: samuel ban him

SAMUEL: No.

TARSEN: dammit.

NIA: I have a better idea.

**[VALKAN SHARREN is now VALKASS POOPHEAD]**

VALKASS: _WHAT_

TARSEN: HAHAHAHAHAH

ADRIAN: GENIUS

CLAIRE: truly the newest meme!

NIA: **bows**

MARTIN: I heard memes????

BALTBEE: i am the meme lord

SHRED: Can I opt out of this channel?

ZEL: no

NIA: nope

SHRED: I’m regretting many things.

ZEKARA: I need some popcorn. Who wants to start bets on how long it will take a fight to break out?

NESSY: oh me!

NIA: me right now hello

TARSEN: i bet $3 that it’ll take five minutes

VALKASS: I BET $4000000 THAT THERE’S GONNA BE ONE _RIGHT NOW_ IF NIA DOESN’T CHANGE MY NAME BACK

CARL: It suits you.

VALKASS: AAAARRRRRG

TRYMDAS: there’s a nickname option in the settings.

VALKASS: Good.

ALDOBIVA: aaawww why’d you tell him i wanted to see him struggle

**[VALKASS POOPHEAD is now VALKAN SHARREN]**

VALKAN: There.

CLAIRE: i think the old one fit you better

VORNA: Aldobiva, behave.

ARRA: I’LL SET UP A BETTING SPREADSHEET

TRANPAR: NOT IF I DO FIRST

ALDOBIVA: vorna noooo

SAMUEL: This was doomed from the start.

SKERA: You should have seen the old Severwing board.

NIA: The Severwings had a chatroom??? 200 years ago??????

SKERA: don’t question it and yes they did it was a nightmare

SKERA: Still is, unfortunately.

SKERA: Oh, I know.

**[SKERA DAVION added MOKDAL FYRIOUS to DESCENDANT EMERGENCY COMMUNICATION CHANNEL]**

SKERA: You need another adult.

SKERA: MAKE HIM SUFFER.

MOKDAL: NO

MOKDAL: NOT AGAIN

MOKDAL: YOU CAN’T MAKE ME ENDURE THIS AGAIN!!!!

ADRIAN: okay geez skera we believe you

NESSY: What did you do to poor Mokdal???

NAK: He can’tljdgdjgdfg

NIA: If you finish typing that sentence I’ll let Nessy hurt you.

NESSY: _what did he say_

NAK: Nothing.

NESSY: _NAK YOU MICROWAVEABLE CAN OF BEANS_ **_WHAT DID YOU SAY_ **

NIA: I’d start running.

NAK: I will take your advice, my lady.

**[NAK MOKKOH is now idle.]**

NESSY: Where is he.

NIA: Out the window.

NESSY: _NAK_

**[NESSY RAY is now idle.]**

TARSEN: I think I win the bet???

ZEKARA: There _was_ no bet it was just _proposed._

TARSEN: damn!

MOKDAL: Am I allowed to leave?

SHRED: Only if I am.

CLAIRE: no no no shred you’re doing this all wrong

SHRED: ?

CLAIRE: you need to be bolding all your messages

CLAIRE: you need to live up to your edgelord aesthetic

SHRED: No.

CLAIRE: pleeeeaaassse

SHRED: Absolutely not.

SAMUEL: I think we need to establish some rules in this chat.

TARSEN: bluhhhh rules

AXID: by the creators I leave my device alone for half an hour and _this_ happens

CLAIRE: where were you?

AXID: home. Where I live.

CLAIRE: okay but what were you doing??

ONAI: Skera, I could have warned you this was a bad idea.

CLAIRE: oh welp there’s my question answered

AXID: !!! CLAIRE!

CLAIRE: i think i hear my sister calling i gotta go

ZEKARA: You hear no such thing now stay here and face the consequences of your actions.

ONAI: **sighs**

SAMUEL: I share the sentiment.

CLAIRE: oh no she’s in our pms

CLAIRE: oh no she’s telling me to act like an adult ‘please’

AXID: I am not?

CLAIRE: im getting the responsibility talk

AXID: Claire.

CLAIRE: zekara i think she’s trying to replace mom??

ONAI: Please stop making things up about my girlfriend neither of us appreciate it and she’s too nice to deck you.

AXID: I am not.

ONAI: You’re just unlikely to.

AXID: I wasn’t going to say anything extreme until I was justified to walk over to the Aklena house and fight her.

ONAI: Oops.

VALKAN: For a guy with foresight you don’t know much.

ONAI: For a guy without much of one you sure are an ass.

CLAIRE: OOOOOOOO

TARSEN: OOOOOOOOOOOO he’s right you have a sad ass

VALKAN: _WHAT_

NIA: OOOOOOOOO

NIEL: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

VELLOH: i taught him how to ooooo!!


	2. Rise of the Airhorn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "But Tanadin! Why are the chapters so short?"  
> It's just sections of dialogue. That's why.

TRYMDAS: !airhorn

TRYMDAS: !airhorn

TRYMDAS: !airhorn

TRYMDAS: WAKE THE HELL UP

NIA: WTF WHY IS THERE AN AIRHORN

NESSY: WHAT

ZEKARA: I AM FURY

TRYMDAS: THAT’S FOR BEING SO AWFUL TO ME YOU FUCKS

XULLOS: trymdas we didn’t do anything to you??

TRYMDAS: WHAT? I-

TRYMDAS: wait shit I grabbed the wrong one

VALKAN: THERE WE GO 

VALKAN: !airhorn

TRYMDAS: I have nothing to do with this. I’m very sorry.

MOKDAL:  _ I WILL REMOVE THE AIRHORN BOT _

NIA: You’re not an admin!

MOKDAL: ….

MOKDAL: Make me an admin.

NIA: No!

MITVEN: I have to catch  _ sleep _ you gaping excuse for an orifice.

MARCUS: Finally some communication at a decent time.

ALTREN: 4am is literally never a decent time

MARCUS: I’m a vampire.

ALTREN: my statement stands.

SKERA: I didn’t add the airhorn bot. Why is it here?

VORNA: I think it’s just part of the program.

ALDOBIVA: how do you disable it I hate it

VORNA: If you silence your notifications it will prevent you from hearing it but that also means you won’t be alerted.

ALDOBIVA: my notifications are off except for mentions of my name! stupid airhorn!!

MARCUS: !airhorn

VIAN: CREATORS

ZEL: Would you cut that out? We’re all trying to sleep.

KATRIN: Zel, could you punch them?

ZEL: Certainly.

KATRIN: ...in the morning. I don’t want you to leave.

ZEL: Of course.

ALDOBIVA:  _ gross _

CARL: You literally kissed Vorna in front of us after knowing us for about a minute.

ALDOBIVA:  _ g r o s s _

VORNA: It was pretty embarrassing.

ADRIAN: it was pretty  _ cute _ you mean

NIA: Adrian I can hear you reading this to Niel in the next room over would you  _ go to sleep? _

ADRIAN: no way i’m too awake after the airhorns

NIEL: !airhorn

MITVEN: FUCKING HELL

SHRED: STOP IT

SAMUEL: WHY

ADRIAN: he says hes helping

SHRED: This is not helping and you know it.


	3. An Empire Falls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like the dramatic chapter names are really making this so far.

ZEKARA: ADRIAN THAT DOES NOT QUALIFY AS TEAMWORK

ADRIAN: LOOK I TRIED

ZEKARA: YOU  _ KNOCKED DOWN A TOWER _

NIA: Is  _ this _ what you get up to when I’m doing paperwork, Adrian??

ADRIAN: no!

NIEL: ye it is

VELLOH: !!! niel are you typing on your own??

NIEL: yeah!!!! ^-^

CLAIRE: welcome to the chat, lad!!

CLAIRE: chatlad

CLAIRE: i just got a new idea for the chat name

 

**[CLAIRE AKLENA renamed the board HOME OF THE CHATLADS]**

ZEKARA: That is the worst thing I have ever seen.

ARRA: why is the chat renamed t- oh it was claire okay

ZEL: That’s really the explanation for everything, isn’t it?

AXID: I’m beginning to regret joining this quest.

MARTIN: Aww, c’mon guys. Don’t be that way! We just need to work together. :-)

NIA: Have...have you met us? We’re literally the worst.

CLAIRE: why does martin type like a grandpa

MARTIN: You just don’t know the key to teamwork, is all!

NIA: ...and what’s that?

MARTIN: Bofa, of course!

VIAN: Martin no that’s not fair

NIA: ??? what’s bofa?

VIAN: she grew up in the woods she doesn’t know memes

MARTIN: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

TARSEN: BOFA DEEZ NUTS

NIA: ....

NIA: I’m having you arrested and executed.

MARTIN: Awww. :(

CLAIRE: mmmm whatcha saaaay

VELLOH: ohhh that you only meant weeeEEEeeelllll

CLAIRE: of course you did

NIA: You both are being arrested as well.

MITVEN: Ah, yes, the fall of the mighty Valaernian Empire.

MITVEN: Brought about by memes and bofa.

BALTBEE: we wouldn’t have it any other way

**[SKERA DAVION renamed the board SHITPOST CENTRAL]**

SKERA: I just have to hope that no one renames the Severwing board that or I’ll never be able to tell one from another.

SKERA: I have enough trouble as-is.

MOKDAL: I’m only grateful I got out of that one.

MOKDAL: It was a nightmare.

CLAIRE: i think it could use some sick new memes

SKERA: I believe Draeth’s already got that covered.

CLAIRE:  awww but his memes aren’t as fresh as mine

BALTBEE: claire has the freshest memes although mine are the best

CLAIRE: i have organic homegrown memes

MARTIN: baltbee buys his at the supermarket

BALTBEE: i’ve never been more offended in my life. how could you wound me this way. aaarrg. i’m dead.

ADRIAN: ZEKARA PLEASE STOP CHASING ME WITH AN AXE

ZEKARA: THE  _ TOWER, _ ADRIAN!

SAMUEL: Valaernia was a mistake.

NIA: Me or the country?

SAMUEL: Honestly at this point I’m not sure.

NIA: That’s reasonable. I can accept that.


	4. Enter the Timescarred

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay the chapter titles are just staying semi-dramatic now and y o u c a n ' t s t o p m e

NESSY: You know what this chat  _ really _ needs?

KATRIN: What?

NESSY: Angerdad.

ADRIAN: YES

MARCUS: NO

NAK: I don’t know how I feel about His Highness seeing our shenanigans.

NIA: What even is Iirkolav’s position in the kingdom?

ONAI: I believe it’s Fury Lord, or perhaps Saltmaster.

NIA: Ah yes, that’s it, thank you Onai.

NESSY: I’m adding angerdad.

**[NESSY RAY added VEX DAVION to SHITPOST CENTRAL]**

NESSY: Welcome to shitpost central.

VEX: What.

NIEL: did you get the wrong vex? am i not reading this right

ADRIAN: iirkolav are you still Vex on the chat program

VEX: I

VEX: Yes

**[VEX DAVION is now IIRKOLAV DAVION]**

IIRKOLAV: Better?

NIA: Much. Anyway welcome to hell

NIA: grandpa

IIRKOLAV: I’m leaving. Never speak to me again

NIA: Nooo come back

IIRKOLAV: My gray hair does  _ not _ make me your grandfather. It’s a side effect of too many healing potions.

ALTREN: can confirm healing potions are a serious bitch to your hair

NIA: You  _ are _ my many-times great-grandfather though.

IIRKOLAV: Fuck you. No I’m not.

ADRIAN: You...really are.

IIRKOLAV: I’m 30-something. I kinda lost track. 

SKERA: You’re much older than that, boy.

IIRKOLAV: Physically!

NIA: Aren’t you like 270? 280?

IIRKOLAV: I  _ skipped _ those 200 years!

MOKDAL: Doesn’t count.

NIA: Skipped?

IIRKOLAV: Skipped.

NIA: Old man nap.

IIRKOLAV: blocked.

NIA: nooo grandpa

SKERA: If he’s old, what am I? I’m his mother.

NIA: Young and fresh, like me, of course!

SKERA: Oh, I like her.

IIRKOLAV:  _ MOTHER _

TRANPAR: but nia, you’re old

NIA:  _ I’M NOT EVEN 18 WHAT DO YOU MEAN I’M OLD _

TARSEN: Anyone who’s started puberty is old to Tranpar.

TIM: ‘m i old?

TRANPAR: no of course not

NIEL: what about me?

TRANPAR: a little

NIEL: ok

VELLOH: tranpar are you in the lab?

TRANPAR: no samuel made me clean my room

VELLOH: xullos what about you

XULLOS: should i be?

VELLOH: uh idk but its really smokey in here?

CLAIRE: o sorry about that mates

CLAIRE: it was just my dank memes

VELLOH: the fuel is burning

CLAIRE: and my sick beats

XULLOS: i’ll get down there

SAMUEL:  _ Creators. _ No one go in there, I’ll deal with it.

CLAIRE: no samuel its ok they can handle my memes

VELLOH: the entire lab is on fire

CLAIRE: they were really sick

TIM: why

CLAIRE: because they’re fresh

ZEKARA: Did you steal my lighter again?

CLAIRE: …

ZEKARA: Claire.

CLAIRE: you cant prove anything

TIM: tranpar why

TRANPAR: why is she like this?

TIM: yeh

TRANPAR: i’ve been researching that for awhile but i still don’t know.

ZEKARA: If you figure it out, be sure to let me know.

CLAIRE: im a lord not a science experiment!!

NIA: I’m legally having you reclassified as a science experiment.

IIRKOLAV: Nia I’ve changed my mind I don’t think you’re ready to be queen yet.

NIA: IT’S TOO LATE

IIRKOLAV: GIVE ME THE CROWN NIA

NIA: NO ITS MINE!!!!

MITVEN: I’ll get the burn cream and the bandages out.

ARRA: I’LL GET THE POPCORN

TRANPAR: IM GETTING THE SPREADSHEET SET UP

NIA: YOU GUYS SUCK


	5. The Hallow Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS HALLOWEEN  
> THIS IS HALLOWEEN

VIAN: DO YOU GUYS KNOW WHAT DAY IT IS?

ZEL: No?

VIAN: !airhorn

VIAN: IT’S HALLOWEEN

ADRIAN: ACCEPTABLE USE OF THE AIRHORN

MITVEN: NO ITS REALLY NOT

IIRKOLAV: YOU ARE THE WORST

SHRED: Oh, not again. I don’t understand the fascination with Halloween that you all seem to have.

SHRED: It’s odd and not at all similar to the original Skullblade celebration.

NIA: Aw, c’mon, Shred. Get that stick out of your ass.

XULLOS: i think she’s just upset because she can’t dress up as anything

SHRED: …

SHRED: No.

IIRKOLAV: Blame was upset for the same reason.

IIRKOLAV: But Skullblade code just says that no one can see your face,  _ not _ that you can’t take the mask off.

SHRED: …

SHRED: …

SHRED: Samuel, I need your help with a costume.

SAMUEL: Oh no.

TRANPAR: I’M ALL SET ALREADY

SAMUEL: YOU CANNOT WEAR THAT 

TRANPAR: IT’S TOTALLY SAFE

SAMUEL:  _ IT SET THE LAB ON FIRE LAST WEEK _

VELLOH:  _ claire _ set the lab on fire last week

CLAIRE: it wasn’t me it was,, um

CLAIRE: altren

ALTREN: wtf what have i  _ ever _ done to you

CLAIRE: you looked like an old man

MARCUS: I feel attacked.

CLAIRE: btc i forgot you were actually like 30

MARCUS: I forgot you were about 10.

NIEL: ooooooo

VELLOH: ooooo (im so proud)

CLAIRE: ye, 10/10 you lowly 3

MARCUS: Excuse you.

MARCUS: I’m at  _ least _ an 8.

CARL: No, the scars bring you down to around a 5.

ARRA: No, the scars are fierce.

MARCUS: Thank you.

TARSEN: the scars are  _ sexy _

MARCUS: …I don’t know if that’s a compliment or not.

SAMUEL: Just accept it.

TARSEN:  **finger guns**

VIAN: Nia are the plans for the Halloween party in the castle still good?

NIA: Of course.

VIAN: YES!

VIAN: What are you guys going as?? I’m going as Nak.

NAK: What.

ZEL: Vian, throwing a white bedsheet over yourself and taping aluminum foil to it does not count as a Nak costume.

VIAN: Of course it does!

NAK: …

NESSY: I just got a costume idea.

NESSY: Nia, PMs.

NIA: Okay.

NIA: btc I love it.

NESSY: This is gonna be amazing.

NESSY: Where are you I need to fistbump you

NIA: I’m in my room

ADRIAN: has anyone seen niel 

NIEL: :)

ADRIAN: niel where are you??

NIEL: :)

TIM: :)

ADRIAN: I don’t understand what is happening?

TARSEN: tim are you hanging out with niel?

TIM: yeh

TARSEN: why? and where?

TIM: nah

TARSEN: tim…

TIM: nah

MARTIN: Let him have some fun, Tarsen!

VALKAN: Halloween is stupid.

VALKAN: However, to show you losers how it’s done, I’m participating.

TRYMDAS: I am too!

MARCUS: We need to have a costume contest. Judged by Skera.

MARCUS: I need to beat Valkan.

KATRIN: We  _ all _ need to beat Valkan.

ZEL: Normally I’d say that Halloween is not a competition but this year might be different.

ZEL: In this case, I also need to beat Vian, which should be easy as long as I have a costume of some description.

VIAN: this  _ is _ a costume!

VIAN: watch, okay, I’m gonna do a Nak impersonation:

VIAN: hi my name is nak dragons are lizards and im shiny

VIAN: i have a weird boner for nia and i think salt is a spice

NAK: I do not sound like that!! And I do not!!!! She’s a child!

VIAN: oh right you’re old

VIAN: amended: i have a weird obsession because im an Old Man and i think salt is a spice

NAK: I am not old and salt is not a spice.

VIAN: okay but you look at pepper and go ‘oh no that is too hot for me’

NAK: No?

SAMUEL: You...kinda do.

NAK: My own teammates are hurting me. Nia, my queen, please defend me.

NIA: I’m having too much fun.

NAK: Your Majesty, please.

NIA: <3

NAK: I’ve been abandoned by my sovereign to die to these degenerates.

NAK: Alas, here is how I fall.

TARSEN: geez could you ramp up the drama a bit

VELLOH: yeah its pretty flat

VELLOH: wait vian

VELLOH: how did you forget that nak is old??

VIAN: numbers aren’t real

TRANPAR: they absolutely are

VIAN: no

ZEL: My costume is now Vian’s math homework.

VIAN: NOOOOOO


	6. A Breach of Privacy (or two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is (I think) the most NSFW chapter of this? It's...not much worse than Fated itself.

ALTREN: I REGRET HAVING EYES

VORNA: LEARN HOW TO KNOCK

ALTREN: SOMEONE PLEASE REMOVE THEM

TRANPAR: oh i will i want to study them!

SAMUEL: Tranpar no.

ALTREN: CREATORS SAVE ME

ALDOBIVA: THE DOOR WAS  _ LOCKED _

ALTREN: YOU KNOW I DON’T LISTEN TO THE RULES

VORNA: OR YOUR EARS APPARENTLY YOU SAT THERE LOCKPICKING FOR  _ HOW _ LONG?

ALTREN: TOO LONG

ALTREN: MY EARBUDS WERE IN

MITVEN: ALTREN THIS IS WHY WE DON’T LET YOU DO ANYTHING

ALTREN: FUCK OFF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN WHAT I’VE SEEN

TIM: what see?

SAMUEL: Don’t worry about it, Tim.

VORNA: Yeah, you don’t want to know.

TIM: what see?

ALDOBIVA: no tim

TIM: >:c

ALDOBIVA: we’ll tell you when you’re older

TIM: >.<

TRANPAR: can i know??

SAMUEL: Absolutely not.

TARSEN: do we need an nsfw chat for all the adults? i think we do

SAMUEL: No.

TARSEN: excluding samuel

ALDOBIVA: no i dont want to see your dick pics you’re nasty

TARSEN: i don’t-! I don’t send-!

VORNA: We know.

TRANPAR: i dont want to know anymore

ONAI: That’s really for the best.

ONAI: I know more than I ever  _ wanted _ to know.

ONAI: The shadows tell me too much.

ONAI: Iirkolav, you have problems.

IIRKOLAV: Don’t start kinkshaming me.

AXID: Be nice, Onai.

ONAI: That’s all I am!

BALTBEE: yeah i bet you’re nice to her

BALTBEE: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

CLAIRE: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

ZEKARA: Claire are you seriously texting in the middle of our conversation?

CLAIRE: gotta go!! suddenly!!

ONAI: You’re both terrible.

ONAI: Not Zekara. Baltbee and Claire.

TARSEN: bet you dont say that to axid

TARSEN: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

BALTBEE: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) intensifies

XULLOS:  **( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)**

**[VORNA STAR is now idle.]**

**[ALDOBIVA REN is now idle.]**

BALTBEE: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

CLAIRE: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

VELLOH: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

NIEL: i dont understand

ADRIAN: you dont need to

**[NESSY RAY renamed the board ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) INTENSIFIES]**

MITVEN: By the Creators. Why are you all like this?

CLAIRE: ALTREN WALKED IN ON ALDOBIVA AND VORNA

CLAIRE: AND I WALKED IN ON ADRIAN LAST WEEK

ADRIAN:  _ WHY DID YOU COME IN THROUGH MY WINDOW ANYWAY _

CLAIRE: THE DOOR WAS LOCKED

ADRIAN:  _ I WONDER WHY _

**[MITVEN SSKETAL renamed the board ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) USE PROTECTION]**

NIEL: NOW I UNDERSTAND

VORNA: Is it too late to run off into the woods again?

TARSEN: you bet it is


	7. To the Edge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It should be pretty obvious by now that these kids should not be left unsupervised.  
> Skera does not count as adult supervision.

**[SHRED THE FRONTIER added RAGEBENT BLADE and FATEWRITER to ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) USE PROTECTION]**

FATE: i’m so happy

BLADE: I’ve changed my mind.

BALTBEE: we have new entry procedures

BALTBEE: !airhorn

BALTBEE: FRESH MEAT

ALTREN: GOD FUCKING DAMMIT SKERA CANT YOU DO ANYTHING ABOUT THAT

SKERA: I could but I don’t want to.

FATE: my people

BLADE: I’m turning off notifications.

FATE: noooo

SHRED: That’s wise.

ARRA: no. listen to our bullshit. become one with the chat.

FATE: I fully intend to

NESSY: you’re all mistakes

NIA: Even me?

NESSY: Especially you.

NIA: :(

_ [CARL MAVRAI sent file shutuporthisisyourend.png] _

TRANPAR: holy shit is that vynx’s mouth

TRANPAR: um i mean, poop

SAMUEL: Tranpar…

TARSEN: DO YOU HAVE A PING FOR SWEAR WORDS

SAMUEL: I have an older brother sense.

SAMUEL: It lets me know when Tranpar is in danger, he’s swearing, or when you’re being stupid.

TARSEN: is it always going off for me

SAMUEL: Yep.

TARSEN: okay cool just wanted to make sure

MITVEN: Carl, please don’t threaten people with Vynx’s face.

FATE: it’s highly effective i’m intimidated

FATE: blade would be if he was LOOKING AT CHAT

ALTREN: okay hang on guys i have an actual emergency

MITVEN: How sarcastic is this?

ALTREN: no this is an actual emergency

IIRKOLAV: What’s going on?

ALTREN: someone drank my alcohol

IIRKOLAV: …

ALTREN: no you dont understand that was 100% pure alcohol you are NOT supposed to drink that

IIRKOLAV: Oh shit.

ALTREN: yeah no kidding

NIA: how do you know they drank it?

ALTREN: i think i forgot to mention

ALTREN: ‘someone’ means ‘xullos’

ALTREN: he’s passed out on the floor. with the vial in his hand.

IIRKOLAV: Is he breathing?

ALTREN: i think so?

ALTREN: a heartbeat is debatable

MITVEN: I’ll come on down.

ALTREN: NO DON’T COME IN MY LAB

MITVEN: HOW DO YOU PROPOSE I HELP HIM

ALTREN: NOT MY PROBLEM HE DRANK MY ALCOHOL HE CAN SUFFER

VORNA: Altren.

ALTREN: what

VORNA: Don’t be a dick.

ALTREN: no

ALDOBIVA: altren i’ll shoot you

ALTREN: mitven i’ll take him to you

MITVEN: You’re scared of Aldobiva??

ALTREN: um yes??? aren’t you?

MITVEN: No?

ALDOBIVA: you should be

BLADE: And this is why I’ve avoided group chats for years.

FATE: shut up and enjoy the chaos you big baby

BLADE: No.

FATE:  **hugs**

BLADE: NO

FATE: HAHAHAHAH

ALDOBIVA:  **KISSES VORNA FIERCELY**

VORNA: WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

CLAIRE: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

ALDOBIVA: mine <3

VORNA: I mean, yes, but still.

CLAIRE: wait guys

CLAIRE:  _ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) _

BALTBEE: holy shit the revolution is upon us

BALTBEE:  _ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) _

MARTIN:  _ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) _

ALTREN: xullos is dying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND NOW WE KNOW NOT TO DRINK UNIDENTIFIED VIALS, XULLOS


	8. Return from the Edge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one's super short because it's really just a part two to the last one, but there's no designated scene breaks in this and I was too lazy to come up with one.  
> I'm uploading the first 13/14 parts at once anyway.

XULLOS: You know, guys.

XULLOS: I’ve made some important life decisions in the past forty-eight hours, as I swam between life, death, 1% blood alcohol content, and the worst hangover of my life.

XULLOS: I’ve decided the drinking life just isn’t for me.

VORNA: You’re not even sixteen. I thought this was pretty obvious?

XULLOS: I’m not always the smartest pig on the farm.

XULLOS: On an unrelated note, I’ve seen stars in my head and mapped constellations in my synapses.

VELLOH: uh oh

TRANPAR: you’ll need to sketch them for me i want to see!!

XULLOS: I will once my hands stop shaking.

MITVEN: You were not  _ anywhere _ near 1% blood alcohol content or you would be dead.

XULLOS: The status of my living or not is debatable right now.

ALDOBIVA: lemme guess

ALDOBIVA: you feel like shit

XULLOS: I  _ did _ say the worst hangover of my life.

ALTREN: hooooooly shit i’ve gotten pretty drunk on occasion but i haven’t seen fucking  _ stars _

ALTREN: buddy that was 100% pure alcohol i was saving to use in an experiment and you just fucking  _ slammed _ it

ZEKARA: What...what were you  _ thinking? _

ZEKARA: What possessed you to go into Altren’s lab and drink the first vial of  _ anything _ you see?

SHRED: I’m having flashbacks to the last time I drank something of Altren’s.

ALTREN: you only got long hair and laughed at chill your tits

ALTREN: xullos seriously what the fuck

XULLOS: Okay, look.

SHRED: I don’t have tits.

ALTREN: what

SHRED:  **vague chopping motion**

ALTREN:  _ what _

NIEL:  **vague chopping motion**

ALTREN:  **_what_ **

XULLOS: I might have already been a bit intoxicated when I walked in there.

XULLOS: And, well, like I said, I’m not very smart sometimes.

ALTREN: so you slammed the first vial you saw?

XULLOS: YOU BET YOUR ASS I DID

NESSY: I really hate having friends.


	9. Threatened Incarceration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brief drug mention at the beginning of this one.

CLAIRE: guys look i found some weed

_ [CLAIRE AKLENA sent file daaaaank.png] _

ZEKARA: That’s a dandelion.

CLAIRE: why must you crush my hopes and dreams

MARTIN: marajuwanna? In my good Valaernian suburbs?

NIA: You’re all going to prison. Memes are now illegal.

ADRIAN: no nia you can’t

NIA: You wanna bet?

NESSY: Nooo Nia not the kingdom’s main form of entertainment!

NIA: This is terrible.

VIAN: you’re all DRUNK

ZEL: Dammit Vian.

NIA: I’ll find him and leave you memelords to your own garbage.

CLAIRE: im not a memelord im a memeQUEEN

MOKDAL: Hello memequeen.

MOKDAL: I’m dragon dad.

CLAIRE: :o!!!

NESSY: What!!

CLAIRE: hi dragon dad!!

NESSY: But you’re  _ my _ dragon dad!

MOKDAL: It’s past your bedtime, Claire.

CLAIRE: what

CLAIRE: its like 3pm

MOKDAL: You’re grounded.

NIEL: (is this where i ooooo?)

VELLOH: (you bet)

NIEL: OOOOOOOOOOO

VELLOH: OOOOOOOOO

ONAI: 0000000000

NESSY: OOOOOOOOOnai what

VIAN: ?????????

ONAI: I…

ONAI: I hit the wrong key.

ONAI: My fingers don’t always do what I want.

CLAIRE: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

ONAI: It’s a hard life.

CLAIRE:  _ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) _

ONAI: Wait no

BALTBEE: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

VELLOH: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

ONAI: I regret.

**[TRYMDAS SHARREN renamed the board ONAI’S FINGERS MAKE THINGS HARD]**

NESSY: Trymdas???

TRYMDAS: ^-^

NIEL: AAAAAAAHHH :D

CLAIRE: YOU’RE IN THE MEME TEAM

AXID: ?-?

ONAI: It’s really best not to ask.

KATRIN: -.-

KATRIN: Can we please have a  _ normal _ conversation for once?

BALTBEE: normal conversations are for losers

BALTBEE: hey martin heads up

MARTIN: What?

MARTIN: I dondsglkjdrfltjredoy6j

**[MARTIN GALE is now idle.]**

**[BALTBEE ZALTAR is now idle.]**

TRYMDAS: ...( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)?

CLAIRE: you know trymmy (can i call you trymmy) i really dont know anymore

VELLOH: did we ever?

TIM: nah

TIM:  **_( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_ **

VELLOH: :o

CLAIRE: holy shit

XULLOS: Tim, our god.

CLAIRE: HAIL TIM

VELLOH: HAIL TIM

XULLOS: HAIL TIM

BALTBEE: HAIL TIM

MARTIN: HAIL TIM

TRYMDAS: HAIL TIM

FATE: HAIL TIM

TRANPAR: HAIL TIM

TARSEN: what are you doing with my kidbrother

CLAIRE: HAILING HIM AS OUR GOD

TARSEN: HAIL TIM

TIM: <3


	10. Assault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is...a lot more NSFW-themed than I thought it was.  
> I may bump up the rating.

KATRIN: How is everyone today?

VALKAN: !airhorn

ZEKARA: SHUT THE FUCK UP

CLAIRE: AAAAAA

IIRKOLAV: KISS MY ASS

MOKDAL: FDLKGJDLFJGDHSDFH 

TIM: ><

VIAN: I WILL PERSONALLY SHOVE MY FIST UP YOUR NOSE

VALKAN: They’re angry.

KATRIN: Thanks.

TARSEN: vian how old are you

VIAN: ...why

TARSEN: just answer the question

VIAN: i think i just turned 18?

TARSEN: you think?

VIAN: i’m not good with numbers we’ve been over this

TARSEN: okay well thats good enough for a joke

TARSEN: vian i didn’t know you were kinky

VIAN: …

NIA: I didn’t know this either.

NIA: Surprisingly.

ADRIAN: WOAH WHAT

ADRIAN: WHAT’S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN

NIA: ^^

VIAN: fdkjgdfjgdyfodrjyt

ADRIAN:  _ NIA WHAT DID YOU DO _

NIA: c:

TRYMDAS: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

IIRKOLAV: VALAERNIA DAVION

NIA: Yes, grandpa?

IIRKOLAV: ONE, I’M NOT YOUR GRANDPA

IIRKOLAV: TWO, WHAT DID YOU DO

ZEL: From the looks of it, my cousin.

TRANPAR: im like 12

SAMUEL: NEW RULE: NO NSFW DISCUSSION IN THE CHAT

TARSEN: AW SAMUEL

SAMUEL: YOU CAN MAKE AN NSFW CHAT IF YOU’D LIKE.

VIAN: i’m ready to die

VIAN: altren do you have any more of that 100% alcohol

ALTREN: nope fresh out

ALTREN: xullos drank it all

VIAN: bastard. 

XULLOS: I have rocket fuel.

VIAN: even better

ZEL: No, no.

SAMUEL: Don’t.

NIA: Vian…

VIAN: let me have this

NIA: No. 

VIAN: never speak to me or my depression ever again

VELLOH: vian im coming over

VIAN: what why

VELLOH: i’m gonna hit you with common sense

VIAN: common sense?

**[VELLOH NIAN is now idle.]**

VIAN: wait is that an actual item you have

VIAN: velloh what are you going to hit me with

ARRA: this should be entertaining.

NESSY: I wish I was in Valaernia to see this.

NESSY: ERM, THE COUNTRY, NOT,, UM

NIA: FDGHDFHFKGNDFH

TARSEN: DAMN NIA’S POPULAR WTF

TARSEN: I FEEL THREATENED

VIAN: OH CREATORS ITS A BUCKET

**[VIAN TOROS is now idle.]**

ARRA: well rip vian’s dead

NESSY: I DO NOT WANT TO BE IN MY BEST FRIEND NIA WE BOTH HAVE BOYFRIENDS!!

VELLOH: I THINK I KNOCKED HIM OUT BY MISTAKE

NIA: bitch

VELLOH: I’M SORRY NIA

ZEL: bitch

VELLOH: I’M SORRY ZEL

KATRIN: Chances are good that if you really were sorry, you wouldn’t have hit him with a bucket.

VELLOH: i dont have any kind of foresight

XULLOS: I think it’s a pesru thing.

BALTBEE: i dont have hindsight

BALTBEE: that may be a kansru thing

ZEL: You might just be weird.

BALTBEE: also likely.

VIAN: I’M OKAY

VIAN: OW

VELLOH: WOOPS

VIAN: NIA PLEASE SAVE ME

NIA: No you didn’t tell me things

VIAN: NIA PLEASE

NIA: Mmmm.

VIAN: I’LL TELL YOU WHATEVER YOU’D LIKE TO KNOW

VIAN: OWW!!!

NIA: I’m on my way.

VIAN: I LOVE YOU

ZEL: Spare us.

KATRIN: But Zel.

KATRIN: <3

ZEL: <3

BALTBEE: youre gross

TRANPAR: seconded

TRYMDAS: thirded

TIM: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


	11. The Language Debacle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is based entirely on people making fun of me for saying y'all  
> and then it spiraled out of control

NESSY: y’all’d’ve

IIRKOLAV: DON’T sass me

KATRIN: Please tell me you don’t actually talk like that.

SKERA: He does.

IIRKOLAV: Leave me alone and no I do not.

NESSY: I’m not laughing at you. I’m laughing with everyone else at you.

IIRKOLAV: Thanks for the support.

MOKDAL: As soon as you think you understand the language, things like  _ this _ happen.

ALTREN: what the fuck is going on

ALTREN: leave my accent alone

IIRKOLAV: NOW LOOK SEE HE  _ ACTUALLY _ TALKS LIKE THAT

NESSY: OKAY BUT IT SOUNDS FINE ON HIM

IIRKOLAV: YOU SAY  _ Y’ALL _ ONCE AND YOU GET JUMPED BY A BUNCH OF UNGRATEFUL CHILDREN

ALTREN: IIRKOLAV YOU’RE NOT FROM THAT AREA????

IIRKOLAV: LET ME LIVE

FATE: yaint

BLADE: We are  _ not _ starting this again.

MARTIN: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

ALDOBIVA: thats not even relevant?

CLAIRE: thats just it ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) is always relevant 

TRYMDAS: I think I have to side with Aldobiva here.

TRYMDAS: There is a time and place for ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) and this is not it.

BALTBEE: excuse me its always ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) time

BALTBEE: although  _ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) _ and  **( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)** are different

BALTBEE: and **_( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_ ** is only for use in very special cases

CLAIRE: i will use any lenny i want you lenny heathen

MARTIN: We don’t need to fight about this! The ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) face is something you share amongst friends!

TIM: ^-^

MITVEN: I can’t believe we’re having goddamn  _ lenny discourse. _

NESSY: You are aware that we can argue over anything, right?

ALDOBIVA: no we can’t??? fight me????????

NESSY: You see?

ALDOBIVA: :P

VORNA: You’re absurd.

ALDOBIVA: ;-;

ALDOBIVA: do you still love me?

VORNA: Of course.

ALDOBIVA: THEN THAT’S ALL I NEED

VORNA: WAIT NO ALDOBIVA DON’T-

**[ALDOBIVA REN is now idle.]**

**[VORNA STAR is now idle.]**

TRYMDAS: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

BALTBEE: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

CLAIRE: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


	12. Mistaken Identity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaepravah's nickname is Seven's fault.  
> No, really.

TARSEN: i have, after many hours of contemplation, figured out what this chat is missing

NIA: How will we ever cope with the suspense?

**[TARSEN HARVEX added KAEPRAVAH DAVION to ONAI’S FINGERS MAKE THINGS HARD]**

ONAI: I'm beginning to despise our chat name. 

BALTBEE: what no it's good

KAEPRAVAH: Tarsen. 

TARSEN: yes?

KAEPRAVAH: This is the worst idea you've had in weeks. 

TARSEN: i think you mean best

KAEPRAVAH: No. I can only handle so much interaction with you before becoming annoyed and this isn't helping you any. 

SAMUEL: Kaepravah, your nickname is wrong. 

KAEPRAVAH: It is?

**[KAEPRAVAH DAVION is now TSUNDERE QUEEN]**

SAMUEL: That's better. 

TSUNDERE:  **_WHAT_ **

TARSEN: HAHAHAHAHA

TSUNDERE:  **FIX THIS** **_RIGHT NOW_ **

BLADE: I, for one, approve of these changes. 

BALTBEE: no one tell her how to fix it 

VIAN: you can change your nickname??

CARL: Yeah???

VIAN: where?????

TSUNDERE:  **TELL ME**

NIA: Here, Vian, I've got you. 

**[VIAN TOROS is now DRUNKMAN THE KINKLORD]**

DRUNKMAN: IM NOT,

NIA: <3

ZEL: EXCUSE ME WHILE I PISS MYSELF LAUGHING

ZEKARA: THIS IS THE FUNNIEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE AND NOT EVEN FOR THIS REASON BUT THIS MAKES IT  _ SO MUCH BETTER _

DRUNKMAN: STOP MAKING ME SUFFER

CLAIRE: I COULD SAY THE SAME!!!!

ZEKARA: I AM LITERALLY HOWLING WITH LAUGHTER

CLAIRE:  _ I HATE THIS _

NIA: What happened with Claire?

CLAIRE: NOTHING

ZEKARA: SHE CALLED IIRKOLAV DAD

ZEKARA:  _ BY MISTAKE _

NIA: SLKDFJDSKLGJDSOGJDOY

DRUNKMAN: HAHHAHAHAHA

CLAIRE: SOMEONE END ME

XULLOS: I STOLE SOME OF ALTREN’S ALCOHOL

ALTREN:  _ GIVE THAT BACK YOU _

ALTREN: UM

ALTREN: I WAS GONNA SAY SWINE BUT I FEEL LIKE THATS INAPPROPRIATE CONSIDERING,

XULLOS: you wanna go drunkman mk. ii

ALTREN: excuse me???

**[ALTREN MYRIS is now DRUNKMAN 2]**

DRUNKMAN(1):  _ EXCUSE ME???? _

DRUNKMAN: FUCK

**[DRUNKMAN THE KINKLORD is now VIAN TOROS]**

VIAN: i’m taking nia’s admin privileges away

NIA: How?

VIAN: gonna talk to skera

SKERA: No.

SKERA: Also, Claire, I’m glad to hear that I have a new granddaughter.

CLAIRE: zekara please cave my skull in with either your axe or your fists

CLAIRE: sometime soon preferably

ZEKARA: I’m having too much fun at your expense.

VIAN: well claire you’re not alone

ZEL: Oh no.

ZEL: Vian, no, please.

VIAN: zel has called an awful lot of people mom by mistake

ZEL: VIAN PLEASE 

VIAN: probably including skera

ZEL: NO

SKERA: I MEAN

SKERA: HE  _ HAS _

ZEL: I WAS TIRED!!!!!

CLAIRE: THIS IS GOLD

BALTBEE: my parents are dead

XULLOS: oh wow mine too

ALTREN: hey we should start a club

MITVEN: That’s fucked up, guys.

MITVEN: Also, Altren… what?

ALTREN: thats a long story

TRYMDAS: Valkan killed our parents.

BALTBEE: oooooookaaaay the sharren brothers win the ‘most fucked up family’ award

ADRIAN: have

ADRIAN: have you met the davions

BALTBEE: davions are cheating

TSUNDERE: NO WE’RE NOT

TSUNDERE: FUCK!!!

TSUNDERE: SOMEONE TEACH ME HOW TO CHANGE THIS

TRYMDAS: It’s in settings.

TARSEN: NOOOOOOO

TSUNDERE: YES!!!

**[TSUNDERE QUEEN is now KAEPRAVAH DAVION]**

KAEPRAVAH: It’s not  _ our _ fault that humans bearing the last name are fucking batshit.

NIA: Have you met yourself?

KAEPRAVAH: I’ll have you know I’m in complete control of my mental faculties and am very dignified.

TARSEN: i started typing something but samuel shot me death glares so this is probably not the chat for it

KAEPRAVAH: I will skin you.

TARSEN: hot

XULLOS: GROSS

IIRKOLAV: I AM NOBODY’S FATHER

SKERA: VEX IS

IIRKOLAV:  _ I DIED BEFORE I HAD KIDS _

BALTBEE: again: davions are cheating

NIA: AND YOU SHITS MADE ME QUEEN

NIA: :)

ZEKARA: regret

ZEL: regret

KATRIN: regret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> claire and zel both called their teachers "mom" as kids


	13. Falling Tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nia is bad at being a human, example number #90435

_ [NIA DAVION sent file LOOK_AT_THIS_SICK_KICKFLIP.png] _

NIA: Shred who taught you to do this??

SHRED: …………………………

SAMUEL: By the Creators.

SHRED: ……………………………

SHRED: …………….it was Marcus.

ALTREN: marcus rides a motorcycle?

MARCUS: Yes?? I thought this was common knowledge.

MITVEN: Marcus and I go biking on our nights off.

ALTREN: wtf why didn’t i know this

NIA: Why didn’t  _ I?? _ How could I not know this was happening in my own kingdom???

NIA: What  _ else _ is happening that I don’t know about?

CLAIRE: you’d be pretty surprised lmao 

CLAIRE: zel and zekara do some dumb fighting thing together a lot its weird

ZEKARA: It’s fun. And it makes us stronger.

VIAN: like you needed any more strength

NIA: Okay okay that’s important and all but have you guys opened that file I sent?

TARSEN: HAHAHAHAH SHRED YOU DIDN’T TELL ME

SHRED: GO AWAY

MARCUS: Apparently all of my hobbies and interests are under scrutiny today.

MARCUS: Motorcycles, fighting.

MARCUS: Are you going to try and vampire-shame me next?

CARL: I think we already did that on the way back from Valdrar.

MARCUS: You’re right. Never speak to me again.

KATRIN: B)

CLAIRE: katrin you know how to… well, do  _ anything _ moderately cool??

KATRIN: Of course.

KATRIN: I’m not as boring as I look.

NIA: Can confirm, Katrin is fun.

NIA: SHE’S A PRETTY GOOD BACKUP BEST FRIEND FOR WHEN  _ SOMEONE _ HAS  _ ABANDONED _ ME

NESSY: I’M  _ SORRY _ OKAY

NESSY: I NEED TO SPEND TIME WITH MY DADS

NESSY:  _ THEY HAVE SO MANY YEARS TO CATCH UP ON _

NIA: SO DO I!

NIA: AND I’M ONLY GOING TO LIVE UNTIL THE PALTRY AGE OF 80 OR WHATEVER WHILE YOU AND YOUR DUMB GAY DADS GET TO LIVE FOREVER

NIA: HOW IS THAT FAIR

NESSY: …..

ADRIAN: good creators nia that was

ADRIAN: aggressive

NIA: I,,

NIA: Yeah, probably.

NIA: ...Nessy?

NIA: Nessy, come back.

MARCUS: Wow.

NIA: Nessy. Please.

NESSY: Nessy is not here right now. Who is this? What did you do?

MOKDAL: Danven, put her phone down.

NESSY: I don’t understand.

MOKDAL: What’s happening over there?

NESSY: She’s crying.

MOKDAL: Nia, I’m going to kill you.

NIA: I’M SORRY

NIA: DANVEN TELL NESSY I’M SORRY I JUST MISS HER ALL THE TIME

ALTREN: hot damn now is not the time to be in chat

ARRA: Shut your face you insensitive egg

ALTREN: W O W

NESSY: I told her and she just told me to give her phone back. Okay.

MOKDAL: This is a mess.

ADRIAN: isn’t that kind of our perpetual state of being???

MOKDAL: Yes, but today is more so.

VIAN: what the fuck why is nia crying

ADRIAN: BECAUSE SHE AND NESSY ARE BAD FRIENDS

KATRIN: I’m coming over. By the Creators.


	14. Escape from the Castle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the last section I have pre-written, at least of the SFW chatfic. I probably will not upload the more NSFW one, but I might. Who knows?

SHRED: WE ARE NEVER HAVING A WINTERCREST CELEBRATION EVER AGAIN

NIEL: AW SHRED

SHRED: IT’S BAD ENOUGH THAT WE HAD TO PARTICIPATE IN THE THREE-DAY HOLIDAY DUE TO NIA ORDERING THE ENTIRE CHAT TO NOT BE “SOGGY DISHTOWELS THAT SMELL FAINTLY OF EGGS”

ALTREN: owned

SHRED: BUT THE _PARTY_  WAS THE WORST

BALTBEE: FUCK OFF THE PARTY WAS GREAT

KATRIN: The party could have used more clothes.

TARSEN: really?? I think it could have used fewer

TRANPAR: i didn’t have fun because samuel wouldn’t let me drink anything except milk :[

SAMUEL: Most of those were alcohol, Tranpar.

VELLOH: let him live, samuel

SAMUEL: Aren’t most of you underage? Why were the majority of you drinking?

CLAIRE: DIDN’T STOP ME

ZEKARA: Nothing stops you.

CLAIRE: NOPE

ALTREN: samuel i dont hear you getting on _my_ case about that

ALTREN: ...like, ever

SAMUEL: I know a lost cause when I see one.

XULLOS: Is that why you’ve stopped trying to convince Tarsen to wear real armor?

SAMUEL: Yep.

TARSEN: this IS real armor!!

CARL: Wait, has anyone seen our, ah, _lovely_ queen since the party last night?

CARL: She hasn’t spoken in chat or appeared for awhile.

ZEL: I’d assume she’s with Vian.

CARL: I haven’t seen him either.

NAK: I’ve found them.

NAK: They were sneaking out the back for some unknown reason.

NIA: I’m the queen! It’s not “sneaking” anywhere!

NAK: You’re not supposed to leave the castle without any kind of guard!

VIAN: I’M her guard!

NAK: You know that’s not true.

NIA: You can’t tell me what to do. I’m the _queen._

NAK: Vian, can’t you stop her?

VIAN: no

NAK: Why?

VIAN: first, she’s nia, so nothing on this goddamn planet can stop her from doing what she wants to do

VIAN: second, haha i have a problem with AUTHORITY

VIAN: BOOK IT

NAK: OW

SHRED: Did… did Vian just punch Nak?

NAK: Unfortunately.

VIAN: YOU CAN’T CATCH ME I’M THE BOULDER-FIST MAN

NIA: WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

VIAN: WHAT DID I _JUST_ SAY ABOUT AUTHORITY

NIA: I LOVE YOU

TARSEN: GROSS


End file.
